What is TOO much commitment when you find real love?

I was chatting to a friend the other day who told me he is in a new relationship. I am very happy for him that he finally found the nice girl he was looking for but he is thinking of quitting it already because she wants “too much commitment” too early. This reminded me of my times as a Single.

I was a long-term Single but not by choice! After a quite committed relationship where I was living with a guy for good 3 years we broke up and I wasn’t very lucky for quite a while. My ex-boyfriend had quite another good friend (Jack Daniels) I did not really agree with. Being a Biker and a Sportsman he fulfilled every cliché. I wasn’t sure really what I wanted but not THAT same nightmare again that was for sure!

I knew that I once wanted to have a family, a house in the greens with a big garden but I did not have any specifics on THE MAN. I always thought it just has to fit without big explanation about who and what you are. The real love will take you for what you are and I did not want to put on a show of being someone I am not just in order to get someone. That was and is just not my style.

However when I was in love it was unconditional. This is why I probably always ended up heartbroken crying my eyes out when it was over. I wanted to make the commitment, always, and is this not what you have to do when you want a relationship? A relationship is commitment to one thing or another, not only your partner. You share your life now (depending on how far along you are in your relationship), you are not alone anymore so naturally commitments have to be made even if it is watching a chick flick or action movie you are not that into.

I hear so many men and male friends saying something like “uh, there was once that girl, she broke my heart. I am not the same man I have been before, I can’t make commitments anymore to anyone”… COME OOOON you guys! If we girls would say the same, humanity would be extinct soon. Part of you simply has to let go coming into a new relationship. You have to let yourself fall into this new experience or you will never find love again. Even though you might end up crying your eyes out…

I developed another strategy when I hit my early 30ies. I didn’t want to waste time by fooling around so asked at a pretty early stage of a “relationship” where this is going. Might be a cliché question but I think it is important to see where one stands in live.

What is their outlook? Do you really share the same goal and interests now and in future? What if you want kids one day and your other half does not want them for nothing in the world? This is a statement not easily to be looked over. If you just wipe your feelings about it away and keep going it will end up even worse. There will be a time further down the relationship where the question arises again and if then both parties cant agree you will be even more heartbroken then if you would have asked early enough when its not “too late” to get out of the commitment.

Sounds a bit harsh maybe but don’t you worry, I am not a strange feminist. I am quite the Romantic actually and always believed in love - and to me it came so unexpected:

I wrote off relationships nearly altogether, quit my job and moved to another country. Applying for a job online I didn’t realize this is not the town I initially wanted to move … cut a long story short: I met my husband at work (here are some more clichés for you), we are together since almost 6 years out of which 2 years and 2 months happily married and crowning our love was a honeymoon baby. We live in the country in rural Ireland with… you guess it? Correct: a big garden :)